Sung to the Tune of Jingle Bells

Ezio backstabs another corrupt church official and his inept bodyguard.

Dashing through the streets
Staining snow bright red
Out to get revenge
Won’t stop till they’re dead
They hanged my dad you know
Don’t say I’m acting rash
When I stalk conspirators
And then their throats I slash
Oh
Run Jump Run
Stab Stab Stab
Assassin’s Creed is Fun!
Run Jump Run
Stab Stab Stab
I just unlocked the gun!
*

I meant to push this minstrel who was up in my face but neglected to switch from wristblade to fist so I ended up stabbing the guy (and the woman next to him) in the throat. Tesla asked, “What’s the difference between assassination and murder?” Sometimes I feel as though my life is built on the steady accretion of tiny ironies.

“Both assassination and murder mean killing someone, but assassination requires planning. It’s possible to murder someone in the heat of the moment without intending to do it.” I paused to consider my words.

“You know how squares are a subset of rectangles? Every square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square. It’s like that: every assassination is a murder, but not every murder is an assassination.”

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