Living alone is an odd experience for me. With nothing else to do on the weekends, I clean the apartment. It’s spotless, except for the bed, which I “make” right before I go to sleep.

Thoughts on Austin TX

1. People are very friendly, but no one seems really happy. In fact, there’s a vein of sadness, longing or insanity in all the people I’ve met.
2. The water tastes disgusting and smells like farts were filtered through it.
3. It’s hot. When ambient is higher than body temperature (which has been every day since I’ve moved down here) every moment outside you’re slowly being cooked. I left my sunglasses in the car, and the glue attaching the vinyl exterior to the metal case melted and the thing bloomed like a floppy plastic flower.
4. Sticks of butter have a different shape than Seattle, longer and thinner. I found this.


On Tesla’s New Shoes

“She can wear them in the wet grass, she just can’t wear them in the mud. It’s not like those shoes are the king of england or something. It’s not like they are King Arthur.”


For Heather

During lunch in the first week of junior high, Greg told me he had gone to Truman Brown’s house and when no one answered the door, he stuck his head over the fence and saw Truman fucking his dog on his trampoline. Everyone told him he was full of shit. Truman was weird, and he


Odysseus and the Gold Dragon

Once there was a man named Odysseus. He had a talking bone named Bobety.


Do you know when you fart…

it’s like a rain forest in your butt.


I dreamed I was in Texas

Where they make all of the concrete highway pieces for the United States. I was on a tower a mile high over the ocean with two twin brother concrete craftsman, played by this guy:


Karate Potty

I’ve logged into my blog out of shame. It’s been months since I’ve posted anything, so enjoy the above, a title Tesla thought would make a good story. Tangentially related, a video of a 38 year old man attempting to fart on his younger brother.


The Unfortunate Byline Award

Yes, I’ve returned from a long hiatus with this. I may not have time to write, but my acumen can be communicated through the most puerile screen captures.


Things are starting to get good

Shibatabread is cranking out the batsu subs. Here is part 10. And if someone knows the link to the RSS feed for my blog let me know, ’cause I can’t find it.


I don’t watch the Superbowl.

And when watching the commercials is more interesting than the event itself… photo is going to win a Pulitzer.